the hormone high lasted a few hours before i succumbed to exhaustion. since we weren't prepared to be away from home as long as we had been, Justin had to run back home to walk the dogs and grab another change of clothes. he left early in the morning and i was hoping we'd be able to get most of the discharge paperwork out of the way before he returned.
Saraya's first night wasn't too bad. she woke up and attempted to nurse before the corpsman came in for her vitals. first he checked her temperature and noted that it was a little low. so the next thing they check is the blood sugar. that too was lower than they preferred so they were going to feed her when they noticed her belly was slightly distended. unfortunately, this raised all kinds of red flags for them.
now, i appreciate the concern but sometimes the overly conservative approach to their care is out of control. they admitted her to the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU), shoved a tube down her nose and throat to drain her intestines, administered an IV and started her on antibiotics. all of this was precautionary. they didn't know if it was just backed up poop or an infection so they forced us to stay for an additional 48 hours until they could get the results from the blood draw to see whether or not it was an infection.
there were other babies in the NICU. the majority of them are premature or otherwise very ill. it is an awful thing to see your newborn baby pricked and prodded and tied to machines in general but it is that much worse when it is all because of MAYBE. we felt like prisoners. sure we had access to her 24 hours a day but she was on another ward and the stress was not helping me produce milk. how was i supposed to nurse with all that crap on her anyhow?! and though no one was deliberately keeping us in the dark, it seemed like there was no certainty when we tried to get a better idea of how much more and how much longer. it seemed as though, after every milestone we passed, another thing would pop up to delay our departure. even after they determined there was no infection and they stopped administering antiobiotics, it didn't stop.
suddenly, every doctor needed to check her, just in case. anesthesiologists, orthopedic surgeons, pediatrics... more and more paperwork. honestly, the only people i could stand were the lactation consultant and the NICU nurse. i felt helpless and like i was losing my mind. poor Justin was as distraught as me if not more. it wasn't about things not going like we planned. it was this overly traumatic experience that was robbing us of a precious introduction. i was tired of doctors asking me how i was and what i needed. i got snappy; i said i was over it. there was no reason for us to be there any longer and i was angry, stressed and frustrated. i didn't need follow up appointments made, or someone to check my carseat, or a nice little flyer showing me the best way to position my baby for sleeping. all i needed was to take my baby and go home.
and finally, 4 days later, it happened. they let us go and as we ran out into the sunshine without looking back, Saraya lifted her little hands in the air as if to say "hallelujah!"
so forgive us if we haven't really made/returned calls or been up to visitors. we are really excited to share her with everyone soon but for now, we will be selfish. it's nice to be home.
if you missed part 1
if you missed part 2
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