sensitive soul

sweet pandi,

when you were just a tiny babe, my mom (your grandma) gave you a soothing sounds teddy bear.  you loved  to listen to the heartbeat, the birds, and the ocean waves especially but you never seemed to care much for the lullabies.  recently you've taken to sleeping with him again.  i suppose you love the fact that you can adjust the settings on your own now.

the other day you came downstairs with teddy, your eyes full of tears.  these weren't the tears you normally shed on occasions where you don't get something you want.  you had the most pitiful look i've ever seen on your pouty little face and the tears started to silently roll down your cheeks.  he was playing a lullaby and you held him so tightly.  i got down on my knees and asked you what was wrong.


"mama this song is so sad" you said before grasping me around my neck.  at first i was relieved that you hadn't hurt yourself.  next i wondered what it was about that song that touched you so.  all i could do was ask if you wanted me to change the song.  you shook your little head yes so i changed the song and hugged you harder.


i was really struck by how deeply you were moved by a simple song.  being a musician, your father has similar tendencies to feel strong emotions when listening to music.  and when i was young, every commercial and song meant to tug at the heart strings was created to influence people like me.  i still cry every time i hear lee greenwood's "proud to be an american" played.  each year since basic training that song has taken on more and more meaning and it is impossible for me to sing along without choking up.  but not having experienced the personal tragedy of loss, i can only wonder what "sadness" means to you.  is it perhaps a glimpse into a past life?  some people believe babies are born with all the knowledge of the universe but lose it before they can communicate.  


i certainly hope you don't lose that sensitivity and that you find a way to focus it for good.  your daddy and i love you and your sensitive soul so very much...


forever,
mama